Sequel...

The song by Jojo A Little Too Late fits exactly what I wanted to say to D. You see yesterday he started communicating with me again. And I already told him that I saw him with the girl. I didn’t tell him that so I could let him explain. I did it for myself. I did it to let D know that I am not stupid and he can’t play me anymore. Like I said before there are no explanations really for it. What I saw was what I saw. With that I was also able to let D know of my feelings before for him and ask him why he is coming back now. I didn’t tell him that to expect him to come and woo me again and to hope that I could have a relationship with him. I could but it will take a lot of effort on his part. But right now it’s not my priority. I just made sure that he knows what I felt before and what he failed on doing to make those feelings grow. I believe I am stronger now that I had told him things which I had long wanted to tell him only it was too late. I know my moving on will come as a breeze. I no longer hold that grudge. I mean what he did was hateful but this time I choose not to have hatred feelings in my heart. Although it was just text talk I already gave myself the closure that I needed. I had made closure by telling him what I felt then and feeling at the moment. That’s enough for me now. His words, promises and affirmations don’t matter at all to me now. It’s my personal closure. It’s uplifting me to realize I now know my worth and I am not gonna let anyone undermine it. Now whatever D thinks of what we talked about or whatever he wants to do is his.

I told myself I wanted to meet him to be able to say all the other things left unsaid. But it’s good though that my urge to see him now stopped. Talking to my friends made me realize there’s nothing more to it. Yeah I have no more to say because it won’t change anything. What would only change it is his will to win me back. It’s his effort that will change things. I am not closing my doors because I did like him. I did tell him I’d like to give it a chance. But that chance is a privelege he has to earn. I did the right thing by saying… “I want to believe you but you gave me a reason to doubt you.” It’s the same thing as saying I am gonna give you a chance but you would have to do more and a whole lot to convince me you deserve me. I know my worth and with what he did clearly made him undeserving of me.

I am just so glad that I was able to say all those things to D before he could even start on coming back into my life. I wanted him in my life then but now I don’t think I want him to be. Not now. Like my friend said and I said before, “Come back if you’re ready”.

To quote a line in the song…

I was young and in love
I gave you everything but it wasn't enough
And now you wanna communicate
Go find someone else
In lettin you go, I'm lovin myself
You gotta problem
But don't come askin me for help
And now after we talked he didn’t made any effort it’s a sign that he doesn’t really want me at all. He’s just after the convenience that I seem to have given him before. I am no longer that. I am more than that and it’s really his loss.