The End

I just need to write whatever I could. This is the one time that I know I need to write but I can’t find the words nor the right thoughts for it. Whatever comes out of this is unedited and uncensored.

Here’s what happened. I went out for a movie. And I saw D buying tickets only he did not saw me (I think). Aaaw I saw him but wake up! He was with a date. Shock of my life, dose of reality. I was so shocked I went totally blank. Worse of it we were watching the same movie in the same cinema! We went in first and they sat in front of us only on my right side (Dette’s side). Dette was spying for me and she saw they were holding hands. I needed that other dose of reality. Ouch! It’s not the hurt where I am sad. It’s the ouch that I felt being cheated on (although not really). I’m mad maybe. Its bullshit that he had to ask me how I was just this Friday and yet he was dating someone already. What the hell?! It really doesn’t matter to me seeing him with a girl cause it seems our time is really over and I was already believing it. A month of no communication is already good as forgetting about me I know that. But then he just had to text me. What for? I am not your friend and I don’t think we ever established that. If I’d start my OC thing I think he just texted me to fish if he could get an instant date with me but sorry I wasn’t. So since I was not free he got his backup or his original plan. Talk about being a player! Oh yeah you’re busted! The movie John Tucker Must Die suddenly came into mind. D must… oh forget it.

There are probably just 2 realizations on what happened. The first one is, it happened so I would really forget about whatever hope or waiting or that thinking of being meant to be with him crap. The second one, it happened because I need to realize I do not know this person and I need to realize what a jerk he was and is. Talk about being a liar! And all the while he was telling me he hates people who lie. Yeah right keep saying that line to all the girls you meet. I hope you learn to live by it. I was in denial then. I used to make excuses for him but now I don’t think so. I already saw it with my 2 eyes. As in crap, shit, trash! (A friend said once there are trash you recycle and those you don’t) Gosh! For all I know all he told me are lies!!! (Lies to get me to bed! Eeew! Boy was he so smooth!) As in! I was so stupid to fall for it! As in! I even went with him in a motel (whatever class it is it’s still a motel!)! Believe me NOTHING happened in there and I was glad I knew where to draw the line. And to think I almost spent a night with this guy?! Thank you Lord for intervening! Talk about hypocrisy! Going to church? Telling me you’re a church person? Going on retreats? Oh gosh I never learn! I take back what I said, OV was better than him. At least OV never lied to me like that (or maybe so I thought). At least OV was honest to admit he could do worse things. PAUSE. I am mad now. I already got the words (quite a lot actually). I am feeling something now. Gosh I am mad also at myself for not listening to my instincts! I was ignoring it again! I am fucking stubborn! Whoever the girl he was with doesn’t really matter. She’s just the “other one” for me. A poor girl for that matter.

Lesson learned. No more dating guys setup by friends or by anyone. Let them do the asking themselves. Let them come to me. No exceptions (hope I live by it).

I don’t want to commit a grave sin of wrath cause of this. I just wish he stop now and stick to whoever girl he’s with or was so he would not hurt anyone anymore. I was glad I made the decision early on to stop being hook on this meantime guy. It was the best decision I made so far.

This is a living nightmare that killed my daydreaming. Funny coincidence! When I met him I was in the house 4am thinking of him. Here I am loathing the end of it all in the house and it’s also 4am. The former I had a hangover this time I got hung-over.